She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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