kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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