to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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