Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
