so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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