I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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