i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
