we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
