Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
