I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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