Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
