the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
