Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
