Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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