it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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