I only kidnapped one of them. chill
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
