i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
