I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
