Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
