If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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