I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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