he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
