Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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