As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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