So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
