um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Success! We fucked roommates!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
