the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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