Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
