All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
