I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
