K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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