I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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