So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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