4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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