We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
