he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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