I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mom said you looked used
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
