Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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