I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
