i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
