We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
