Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
