part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
