I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
