elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
