The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
