I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
