NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found puke in my bra..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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