At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
