3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
