i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
two words: eviction party
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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