Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
