Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to make out with him forever
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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